Dirty-Minded Decorators

Jul. 20th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

Aw, look at the sweet cake for Sarah-Maude's second birthday:

[squinting]

 

Although, those balloons look a little odd, don't they? Let's take a closer look...

[eyes bulging] Great Scott! Hide the children!!

And I KNOW you see what I see, people, so don't even try to accuse me of having my mind in the gutter. It's the Fireman cake all over again.

Eric N., thank goodness this was for a safely oblivious 2-year-old. Still, given how obvious those balloons are, I'm pretty sure I'd steer clear of this bakery in the future. Unless it was for a bachelorette party, of course.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

Initial Discomfort

Jul. 19th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

Monograms can add that perfect crowning touch of elegance to your wedding cake.

 

Or, they can look like this:

Proof that sometimes it's better to quit before letting your five-year-old write on the cake.

 

Still, it could be worse.

The monogram could match the rest of the cake:

Hey, it's not easy to make tinfoil look this good.

 

If you do find a mistake in your cake's monogram, don't panic. There are plenty of seamless ways for your baker to fix the error.

This isn't one of them.

 

Now, I'm all for sharing new words, broadening folks' horizons, furthering education, etc, but if you have to explain to the baker of your wedding cake what a monogram is - a "T, J, and H" put together, for example - then maybe, just maybe, a few alarm bells should go off.

Or I suppose you could just take your chances.

After all, what could go wrong?

Heh.

Aheh.

Heh.

At least the quotes add a little something "extra."

 

Thanks to today's wedding wreckporters Anony M., Hilary R., Cyndi P., & Cyndee M., who think all bakers should be required to ask, "Can I quote you on that?"

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.


As You Wish

Jul. 18th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

"Okey dokey, let's just double check that order form."

Flavor: Chocolate

"Check!"

Decoration: Chocolate dipped strawberry, ganache swirl and chocolate shavings over buttercream.

"Check, check, and check!"

Inscription: Leave blank

"Check!"

 

Thanks to Ross E., the bakery manager who managed to catch this before the customer arrived. Great work, Ross!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

Guess What!

Jul. 17th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

It's time to play everyone's favorite game:

What...Is...THIS??

Hm. Well, it says, "Princess," and there's a scepter and a tiara on it.

So I'm going with "uterus."

 

Uh...

Also "uterus."

 

"Uterus on LSD."

 

"Uterus with sprinkles"

 

"This is getting ridiculous."

 

And finally, today's bonus round is in the bag:

The magic baby bag.

Awww yeeeeeah.

 

Hey, Mandi B., Elizabeth A., Vicktoria R., Caitlin & Anthony, Kelly J., & Shayna S., you know how to politely refuse a uterus cake, right? "Thanks, but I gestate."

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

Sunday Sweets: Drama Queens

Jul. 16th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Lindsey

In a world ...

where it seemed ...

that most cakes were chewed first and THEN sold ...

one cake dared ...

to stand alone.

Made by Sylvia Weinstock Cakes for Jennifer Lopez's birthday

 

This summer ...
Sunday Sweets presents ...
the story of an elite group of renegade cakes ...

By Confectioneiress Cupcakes and Sweets

...who could no longer bear to stand idly by and watch the unknowing public be content with things like CUPCAKE CAKES, or NAKED CAKES, and instead decided to show the world, once and for all ...

 

What a freaking amazing cake really looks like.

By Tickled Cakes

 

With an all-star cast led by Tiersten Dunst, Garnish Paltrow, and Jane Fondant, with a special appearance by Posh Spice,
it's ...

By Anna Elizabeth Cakes, as featured in Wedluxe magazine

 

DRAMATICAKES.

Prepare to be amazed,
enthralled,
flabbergasted...

and hungry.

By Ivory Cake Company

 

Hold on to your seats, as this visual thrill-ride takes you beyond the average world of poorly-piped productions, and into a snowy scene where silvery footprints lead you through a filigree-framed trompe l'oeil forest:

By Cake Opera Co

 

Where larger-than-life seahorses actually *gasp* look like seahorses.

By Mike's Amazing Cakes

 

Where you'll find yourself asking in disbelief more than once ...
'Are those real?'

By torte di nadia

(I'm talking about the flowers, of course).

 

See why critics are raving:

"Two enthusiastic forks up!"
"I was on the edge of my plate!"
"The taste good movie of the year!"

By Jana's Creative Cakes

 

DRAMATICAKES.
Coming soon ...
To a bakery near you.

By Cake Opera Co.

(If you're lucky).

 

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.


Face, Meet Palm

Jul. 14th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks to Ellen K., Kathryn E., Julie V., Louise H., Alexander O., Jessica D., and Lauren H. for today's self-confidence booster.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

Make Mine Crafty

Jul. 13th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

Oh, so you want your cake to look like this?

 

Nooo problem.

 

Thanks to Tish B. for proving, yet again, that a picture is worth a thousand facepalms.

 

*****

IMPORTANT ELEVEN O'CLOCK UPDATE:
(Because John was really bored.)

WE CAN GO DEEPER!

It's a picture of a picture of a picture of a cake on a cake.

 

*****

IMPORTANT UPDATE TO THE ELEVEN O'CLOCK UPDATE:

DEEPER!!!

It's a picture of picture of a picture of a picture of a cake on a cake.

 

*****

IMPORTANT UPDATE TO THE UPDATE TO THE ELEVEN O'CLOCK UPDATE:

MWUAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

It's a picture of a picture of a picture of a picture of a cake on a cake on a cake!

 

IMPORTANT UPDATE ETC.  

CAKECEPTION!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

 

Flower Power

Jul. 12th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

When it comes to wedding cakes, there's a right amount of flowers...

[Note: this is not the right amount]

 

...and a WRONG amount of flowers:

If you listen verrry closely, you can actually hear the cake screaming.

 

Bakers know a hefty blanket of fake blooms can cover a multitude of cakey sins:

...including the fact that the groom forgot to pick up the cake.

[Fun fact: this was actually the mother-of-the-bride's hat.]

 

However, at some point the flowers and flotsam cross over from "charming camouflage" into "DEAR GOD, WHAT IS THAT THING?"

When bakers play "To The Pain."

 

Many bakers use silk flowers to avoid the problem of brown droopy blooms on their cakes:

Others use silk flowers to ensure it.

{I'm almost afraid to ask, but why do they even make roses in those colors?}

 

Just remember: sometimes, for some cakes, there simply aren't enough flowers in the world:

In these instances, I advise a large shrubbery.

And maybe a few more of those Keystone Lights.

 

Thanks to Roger G., Alison V., Jen, Anony M., Stacey H., & Michelle C. for making all the two-year-old flower girls out there look extra talented today.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.


[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

Sometimes when a cake makes no sense, it's helpful to ask yourself, "What do you suppose the customer asked for?"

Insults 101: When calling a girl a dog, it's always helpful to be breed-specific.

 

(For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure that's not how Mrs. Hopperband spells her name.)

 

"Look, I just want what every girl wants for her birthday: a big- a$$ cake!"

Eh. [shrugging] As I'm sure every cake-loving girl would agree: close enough. Pass the forks!

 

Sometimes you just want a sugary baked good for no reason at all. And yet, without an inscription, what can Wreckerators wreck? That's why they're so adamant that your cake say something.

And that's also why we get Wrecks like these:

Give it a minute.

 

Jen B., Stephanie W., Autumn R., & Sara G., one "Ho Thing Special," comin' up.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.


Fairy Tale Endings

Jul. 10th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

WARNING: Today's post is not family friendly, on account of it being a little TOO "family friendly." IF you knowwuddamean.

 

Ah, children. So innocent. So sweet.

So blissfully unaware of how much their castle cakes look like a gaggle of man cannons.

I believe this is from the Netherlands. (Eh? Eh?)

Oh, oh! OR, if it were in Troy, then this would be a TROJAN castle.
(Get it? See what I did there? BOOYA.)

 

I'd say this customer got royally shafted:

[Zing!]

I mean, just look at that top tower: totally cockeyed!

[Pow! Zam! Whap!]

 

Still, this next castle cake really can't be beat:

[Sha-ZAM!]

Yep, that's some stiff competition, right there. Definitely has the upper hand.

[Rat-a-tat-tat! BzzzING! Ker-PLUEY! Eckie Eckie Eckie Eckie piTANG RoooBoing ezrowsurh]

 

Lauri, Lisa M., & Sarah H., they say "a man's home is his castle."

Frankly, I can't top that.

Also, 3 geek points if you correctly ID the Eckie Eckie line.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot:


Sunday Sweets: Robots Rock

Jul. 9th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

Here's a little known fact: Nothing makes Jen as happy as adorable robots.*

(*Except our cat Lily. And Disney. And chocolate cake. Okay, so a lot of things make Jen happy.)

So this week, I thought we'd look at adorable robot cakes. Because I love my wife. And because she picked the cakes. And then said, "GO WRITE SWEETS."

Ahem.

Oh look! Here's an adorable robot cake now:

(By Yummies)

Love the primary colors. And I don't know about you, but I like figuring out how some of these support structures work. For instance, the balloon - which I assume is NOT filled with helium, and is actually edible - must weigh quite a bit, but it's only held up by that little string. How cool is that?

 

Here's one in Jen's favorite colors:

(By Way Beyond Cakes)

Love that it's balancing on one wheel. Jen and I made a full sized Claptrap from Borderlands once, and easily the hardest part was getting him to stand on one wheel. (I'm not saying we failed, buuuut... it does make a lot of noise when he falls over. O.o)

 

Now for something vintage:

(By Paul Bradford Sugarcraft School, inspired by GinnyPenny's plush robots.)

Did they put a just put a corset on a robot? Yes. Yes they did.

 

(By Sweet Disposition Cakes)

D'awww, Wall-E looks so sad. He must have just watched any Pixar film ever. (I firmly believe there is a task force at Pixar with the sole purpose of making you weep uncontrollably during all of their films.)

 

This one is deceptively simple...

(By Couture Cupcakes)

But look how perfect that piping is! I would be terrified piping blue icing on clean, white fondant.

 

And check out the airbrushing on this one:

(By Michael Almeida)

I love how they captured its little robot emotions. I like to think it just escaped from a lab somewhere after gaining a soul, and now it's discovering the beauty of nature for the very first time.

Or it's thinking about soup. Definitely one of the two.

 

This next one is channeling the little green aliens from Toy Story:

(By Sweet Disposition Cakes)

THE CLAW!

 [Update: According to the comments, he's actually from a show called Team Umizoomi. So... no claw?]

 

And this groovy 'bot looks like it's wearing headphones:

(By The Violet Cake Shop)

Plus more Jen-approved colors. Excellent.

Totally unrelated but kinda related, when I first started dating Jen 18 years ago we discovered we both used to love rollerskating to Don't Stop The Rock as kids. If you don't know it, it's a song sung by a robot, so yeah, this tangent is totally related.

 

And finally, my favorite cake of the week:

(By Roses & Bows Cakery)

Because it makes me happy just looking at it. Wow.

And in case you really want to have a catchy robot song stuck in your head all day:

  Don't stop the rock OR the robots - and have a great Sunday!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.


You Say Tomato, I Say Turnip

Jul. 7th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

Hey, everybody! Do you know what time it is?!

That's right, it's "You write the &%#* post, john!!" time!

So, uh, yeah.

Let's see... I need something really easy to write so I can go back to playing my video game. (Those aliens aren't gonna kill themselves!)

Right, how about some wedding missed marks? Or as I like to call them, "Let's have an Epcot in the comments about getting what you paid for!"

Weee.

BEGIN!

Ooh, pretty. Of course, this cake was on MarthaStewart.com so it was probably made with platinum shavings and unicorn tears.

 

Now let's see what Patty I. ended up with.

Bummer.

(On a side note, all I can hear as I write this is the MarioKart music as Jen vanquishes her little cartoon foes. That and the occasional, "In YOUR FACE, Donkey Kong!!")

 

Next cake:

No lie, this is one of my favorite cakes in our library. And please note that it's made with fondant.

Or as Buddy would call it, Fahn Dahn.

 

Now, people often complain that Missed Marks always have a fondant inspiration cake with an all-buttercream wreck, which is why they're so horrifically bad. So for a better comparison, here's Tina M's resulting cake which was made with fondant:

It's like apples and pigeons.

(I'm now laughing maniacally at my own joke. I think I'm tired.)

 

I can't think of anything funny to say about this next cake. So instead, I'll just sing a song that's currently stuck in my head.

"You're BEAUtiful! You're BEAUtiful! You're BEAUtiful - it's true!"

"La, la, la, something WHAT to do."

 

Aaand, that's all I know.

Also, I'd like to apologize to Michael and Stephanie for taking 4 years to post your cake. I overslept.

 

This next inspiration cake is awesome:

Huh. Maybe this one is my favorite. Maybe I just like blue. I'm so confused.

Never mind. So let's analyze the incredible complexity and skill required to make the gorgeous design above:

Step 1. Make a three-tiered round cake.

Step 2. Stick blue circles on it.

 

Aaand let's see how Serena P.'s bakers did!

Perfect!

Well, that's all the time I have, since I'm pretty sure I just heard a Wii remote hit the wall. And that's never good. ("Oh no, Luigi lose! MAMA!")

So, until next time, be thankful that Jen writes this blog.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.


Page generated Jul. 21st, 2017 12:31 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios